What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic Violence is any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.

Domestic Violence can be:

• Physical - any behaviour that leads to physical injury such as spitting, punching, slapping.
• Sexual - any unwanted sexual behaviour.
• Psychological and/or emotional - using threats causing mental/emotional hurt. Humiliation. 'Silent treatment', threats to out you, put-downs around your sexuality and gender identity for trans people.
• Financial - withholding money, using your money, coercion to borrow money, such as loans in your name and running up debts.
• Forced marriage - may include all or some of the above ways to coerce, pressurize you into a marriage and deny your sexuality.

LGBT people experience domestic violence too

Does your partner use your sexuality by:

• Telling you that all abuse is 'mutual' in a same sex / lesbian / gay relationship?
• Making threats to 'out' you at work, with family or friends?
• Questioning where you go, or put you down for going out on the Scene?
• Getting jealous, possessive or angry about your friends or family?
• Telling you you're not a real LGBT person based on how you look, act, or past relationships?

Do you:

• Feel responsible for your partner's behaviour and take the blame for their problems?
• Worry about upsetting your partner, or being the cause of an argument?
• Sometimes get the 'silent treatment' and feel on edge?
• Feel nervous in your partner's company, but when away from them feel more confident and easier?

You are not alone. Research shows 1 in 4 LGBT people may experience domestic violence.

Testimonials

Steve, aged 26, DV survivor:

Looking back I can see that it was a slow process that I wasn't even aware of, it started with a dig about something I was wearing or something I had said. Then it progressed to belittling me in front of his friends and work colleagues. Eventually when I didn't have any confidence the beatings started along with the threats and being told that it was my fault for looking at people on the bus or in a pub. I got to the stage where I couldn't go out at night alone or use the internet. My mobile phone and email were checked everyday. As he is in IT he made me believe he could find out where I was and if I deleted things.

Jane, aged 39, DV survivor:

We'd only been going out a few weeks when it started. First it was just phone calls when I was out with my friends. Then it escalated to hiding my travel card or keys. Finally she'd turn up at the bars I was in and call me names and create a scene in public. It was hard to ask for help because I'm not out. Your helpline was a real help. I wasn't judged, and got support by people who really understood my dilemmas.

Iona Fiesta, OUTSKIRTS editor:

LGBT Domestic Abuse is a bit of an 'elephant-in-the-room' type situation: we all know it's there, we probably all know someone who has experienced it, but too many of us would still rather tip-toe round it than face the reality. Maybe it's the shame factor - we're all so busy trying to convince the rest of society that gay people are fine, upstanding citizens that we can't accept we have the same flaws as everyone else. Yet our community would actually be so much stronger if it did.