Dear Diary...

My partner loves me very much, but when we're not together she calls and texts me continuously. I know she does this because she misses and worries about me, but if I don't respond to her straightaway or unable to talk to her she gets upset and we inevitably end up arguing which leaves me feeling bad and confused. What can I do to make her feel more re-assured and to stop her from worrying about me?

Dear Caller...

There is nothing wrong with being apart from your partner, but your partner continuously calling you, and making you feel responsible, like you're doing something wrong when you can't respond to her is not fair or healthy in a relationship. What you describe sounds like controlling behaviour. This type of behaviour is not unusual in a domestic violence situation, like yours. Your partner may feel like she’s not in control, and the behaviour is an example of emotional abuse. Her actions leave you with the worry, panic, along with a mixture of other feelings such as feeling guilty. The person on the receiving end can often end up changing their behaviour to avoid upsets, and start to believe the causes of their partners' frustrations is their fault.

If any of this resonates with you, then it's worth talking through your feelings and what's going on in a safe space, and by all means call us as the National Broken Rainbow Domestic Violence Helpline. Our helpline workers are all trained in understanding these issues and providing support specifically to LGBT people as this area sadly still remains invisible.